We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
