I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
