come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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