mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
