did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
