If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
