They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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