1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
