There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
