so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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