His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
