12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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