Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
