i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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