the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
