If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
