hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
