what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
