where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
