So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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