Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
