dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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