He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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