hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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