I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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