I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
