it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
