Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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