covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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