I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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