I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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