You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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