I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize