It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
