so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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