my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
