We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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