Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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