made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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