i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I touched a dick in church today
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
