I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
