can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
