someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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