I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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