you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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