If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
