I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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