Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
