Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
