I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
