this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
