He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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