Will you blow on my dice?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
