you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
