I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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