Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
