he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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