5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
