my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
