you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
