Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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