So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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