i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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