So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
