i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
