Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
